The 8 learning weeks

Time takes no time to move. This is my experience, jumping back to the day when a boy from a secured, cozy environment came to a new upcoming city with a vision to fulfill his each and every mid night dream. He is none other than me. I feel a difference in my life when I compare myself on the 29^th July 2007 & today i.e.27^th September 2007 these two months have changed me. I am no longer what I was. Initial days at Bangalore were tough and adjustability was a major concern for me. I was in a state of being uneasy I was thinking away from what I had to think. The correlation between my dream and my focus was reducing. I could realize this but unfortunately I could not find a valid cause for this reduction which could help me overcome it.

A week passed and some friends came to my life. The correlation started to increase but at a very low pace. I could learn day in and day out about my own life in a new form. I could realize some potential`s in me. My feeling of being lonely went with some unknown people coming in. This in & out made me like Bangalore. Time flew like a Concorde. My mind was still somewhere in trouble because I could not find steps to reach my dream. I started to locate those initial baby steps which could help me proceed. First step was the CSR(Corporate Social Responsibility) presentation which really boosted my energy to learn. I was motivated to perform better. Helping the one`s in need I could gain some positive intention of one and all present. Observations were a key role to my success. Midterm was a platform I could prove my capabilities. Without caring for anything I worked day in & day out. Sleep was something I made a last priority in my life. Closing my eyes just for 3 to 4 hours in a day. I could manage 68% in Midterm which could satisfy ma-papa but I was not at all satisfied with my performance. I was disturbed but thought not to reveal it as ma-papa were at Bangalore. They left and my worries started rising. I could realize that I am moving backwards on the few steps I had climbed. I wanted to climb more and more but the steps were becoming wider and I could not climb them.

My life was a new challenge every day. I could feel my health is going down but I never mentioned it. Though my friends could read it on my face “damm this is what I hate” why does my face revel everything which I don’t want to tell & why do people read face. Still some problems started as presentations and work stress increased. My efficiency started to reduce. The day came when I got unconscious in the class. Friends took me to the doctor and what the doctor told me was something astonishing my BP(blood pressure) it rose to 140/95. I could feel that the correlation is reducing at a much faster rate.

Richa didi took me home and a complete day I just slept. Not even reading a single word. Didi could analyze my problems. Telling me several do`s and don’ts she made me live my life as I wanted to. I could follow those rules and regulations for a few days but then I could find that they are restrictions to my steps to success. I started leaving those rules aside I did everything which was in my reach.

It was the 1^st accounts presentation. Our group could not perform well, which was a setback. I could not realize where I am but, it was a determination to catch hold of the next presentation. Time passed and the next accounts presentation came. Our score was good, Teacher praised me for my work & for the way I gave others a chance to speak. I felt that helping others has helped me climb the steps to success for the first time. I was happy, I had sacrificed many things for my presentation. I was somewhere tensed as I was locating another ‘R’ in my life but that was out of my control. End term exams came. End was a positive word for me but exam was a tension to me. I had not done anything this time due to 100`s of factors I started working again like a machine and that Sunday(23-9-2007) It was the worst day at ISME. I could know many things but never could face anything. My mind was again in dilemma.

First paper was Business communications. I could not communicate what I wanted to do. People started blaming teachers for this unsuccessful event but for me I was the cause. I could do the next exam in a better position. Time passed and I could feel that accounts was on head. Sleeping just a few hours I taught accounts to my peer group, to the extent I knew. I could feel I don’t know anything but still I tried my level best again the ‘R’ was missed. Sleep again became the last priority. I wanted to prove myself in front of those who could make fun of me. Then was the Economics paper. My friends said “what you do for others is something 150%” I felt happy as I got a little bit of ‘R’ which was a motivation for me to be awake the whole night and do whatever I could do. I helped people with economics to the extent it was possible with my capabilities. I could find someone was with me, someone from the peer group, which was again a motivation.

Solving derivates in economics I was happy I want to show that answer sheet to ma-papa and say “see I am doing some part math`s be it wrong or right but still I am trying”.

Next was statistics. This was something which bursted my stress. I cried for success but no one heard my cry. I could not achieve what I wanted to. I am really shaken today. Today is the day when I could not get the due success I wanted to achieve. This does not mean that I have left the hope. Now moving to home for 3-4 days I feel I will bring in more determination but analyzing my mind I have decided that I will leave the ‘cry’ approach at any cost. I am in this world not only to make others smile but yes to smile myself.

Utsav